Questions that are hard to answer


If you have sex with a prostitute against her will, is it rape or shoplifting?
Can you cry under water?
How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
Why do you have to ‘put your two cents in’, but it’s only ‘a penny for your thoughts’? Where does that extra penny go?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
What disease did cured ham have?
How come we could put a man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Why is it that people say they ‘slept like a baby’ when babies wake up every two hours?
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
Why are you IN a movie, but you’re ON tv?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
Why do doctors leave the room when you change but see you naked anyway?
Why is ‘bra singular and ‘panties’ plural?
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a crisp, which no human being in their right mind would eat?
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
If the professor on Gilligan’s Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can’t he fix a hole in the boat?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours with both of them being dogs?
If corn oil is made from corn and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star have the same tune?
Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
Why do they call it an asteroid when it’s outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it’s in your butt?
Why does a dog get mad when you blow in his face but love it when he can stick his head out of the car window?
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead?
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars but check when you say the paint is wet?
Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?
Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest but ducks when a gun is thrown at him?
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
Is there ever a day that mattresses are NOT on sale?
Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator in the hopes that something new has materialized?
Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, look at it, and then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on the first try?
How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?
Why is it when we are in a supermarket and someone rams a shopping cart into our ankle and apologizes, we say ‘It’s all right’? If it’s not all right why don’t we say ‘that really hurt so why can’t you watch where you are going’?
In the winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in the summer when we complained about the heat?
How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
When the statistics on sanity say that one out of every four persons are suffering from some sort of mental illness and we have three good friends and they are all ok, how come we never see ourselves as being a nut-case?
Who is this Rorschach guy, and why does he paint so many pictures of my parents fighting?
Why is it that children can’t read the Bible in school, but they can in prison?
If I slap you with a dictionary, would that be a physical or a verbal assault?
If Apple made a car, would it have Windows?
Why are you driving me crazy when you know it’s within walking distance?
What if there were no hypothetical questions?
If a Dodge Stealth hits a Mitsubishi Mirage, did an accident really happen?
If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
Why does a small tax increase cost you two hundred dollars but a large tax cut saves you fifty cents?
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
Why is it called tourist season if we can’t shoot them?
If we find life on other planets, what will happen to the Miss Universe pageant?
Is there another word for “synonym”?
Why do people think they can just waltz into my room, when what I’m listening to is clearly in 4/4?
If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?
If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call?
Why do things always seem funnier when you’re not allowed to laugh?
If money doesn’t grow on trees, why do banks have branches?
Where do forest rangers go to get away from it all?
If a homeschooling mom is talking to herself, is she crazy or is it a parent-teacher conference?
If all is not lost, where is it?
What should you do if you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy friends for her?
How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow signs?
Why do psychics have to ask you your name?
If we can just take on infinite debt, why have taxes at all?
Why are there five syllables in “monosyllabic”?
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is it homeless or naked?
Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
If your car could travel at the speed of light, would the headlights still work?
Why do they call it Alcoholics Anonymous when they make everybody say his name at the beginning of the meeting?
If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
Why do they put Braille on the drive-through ATM?
Can a funeral home raise the cost of burial and then blame the increase on the cost of living?
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
Why do banks charge a fee on insufficient funds when they already know there isn’t enough money?
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why does he keep doing it?
How do you know when you run out of invisible ink?
We have enough youth — how about a fountain of smart?
If we are what we eat, why aren’t we all New, Improved, and Lite?
Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor but book publishers aren’t afraid to have a chapter 11?
What if the Hokey-Pokey really is what it’s all about?
If #2 pencils are so good, why don’t they ever become #1?
If a woman’s place is in the home, why am I always in my car?
When Geronimo jumps out of an airplane, does he yell “MEEEEEE!”?
Does killing time damage eternity?
How can one careless match start a forest fire when you can’t start a campfire with a whole book of matches?
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown, too?
What is the speed of dark?
Should I save styrofoam peanuts in case I ever meet a styrofoam elephant?
If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?
Why don’t sheep shrink when it rains?
If a book about failure doesn’t sell well, is it a success?
Whose cruel idea was it for the word “lisp” to have an “s” in it?
Ever notice that the Roman numerals for 40 are “XL”?
Why are hemorrhoids called “hemorrhoids” instead of “assteroids”?
Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
If ignorance is bliss, why aren’t more people happy?
Why do electric irons have a setting on them for permanent press?
If gun-free zones save lives, why don’t we just declare the Middle East one big gun-free zone?
Why do you “put your two cents in,” but it’s only “a penny for your thoughts”? Where’s the extra penny going?
If I use up all my sick days, do I need to call in dead?
What disease did cured ham actually have?
If poison expires, is it more poisonous or is it no longer poisonous?
Who stopped payment on my reality check?
How is it that we managed to put a man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
When deaf people go to court, is it still called a hearing?
What if soy milk is just regular milk introducing itself in Spanish?
Why is “bra” singular and “panties” plural?
Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
If global warming is man-made, what’s heating Mars?
If Wile E. Coyote had the money to buy all that ACME stuff, why didn’t he just buy dinner?
Why doesn’t McDonald’s sell hotdogs?
Are eyebrows considered facial hair?
At a movie theater which arm rest is yours?
If an ambulance is on its way to save someone, and it runs someone over, does it stop to help them?
Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?
Why are there no ‘B’ batteries?
If a jogger runs at the speed of sound, can he still hear his iPod?
If man evolved from monkeys, how come we still have monkeys?
How do you handcuff a one-armed man?
When does it stop being partly cloudy and start being partly sunny?
If a kid refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?
If you are bald, what hair color do they put on your driver’s license?
If God sneezes, what should you say? 
Is it still illegal to park next to a fire hydrant, even if your car is on fire?
If a bunch of cats jump on top of each other, is it still called a dog pile?
If a baby’s leg pops out at 11:59PM but his head doesn’t come out until 12:01, which day was he born on?
Do Jewish vampires still avoid crosses? 

In the song Yankee Doodle, is he calling the horse or the feather “macaroni”?
Is there a time limit on fortune cookie predictions?
If vampires can’t see their reflections, why is their hair always so neat?
Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?
Do they have the word “dictionary” in the dictionary?
Why is it that everyone driving faster than you is considered an idiot and everyone driving slower than you is a moron?
Can you daydream at night?
Why do they call the little candy bars “fun sizes”. Wouldn’t it be more fun to eat a big one?
What is Satan’s last name?
What is a picture of a thousand words worth?
Why does quicksand work slowly?
Can crop circles be square?
If ghosts can walk through walls and glide down stairs, why don’t they fall through the floor?
Is it legal to travel down a road in reverse, as long as your following the direction of the traffic?
Why doesn’t the fattest man in the world become a hockey goalie?
When Atheists go to court, do they have to swear on the bible?
Why is vanilla ice cream white when vanilla extract is brown?
Can animals commit suicide?
Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop?
Why do people think that swaying their arm back and forth would change the direction of a bowling ball?
What do you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered plant?
If glassblowers inhale do they get a pane in the stomach?
Is it rude for a deaf person to talk (sign) with their mouth full of food?
If a doctor suddenly had a heart attack while doing surgery, would the other doctors work on the doctor or the patient?
How can something be “new” and “improved”? if it’s new, what was it improving on?
Why do they sterilize lethal injections?
Why aren’t drapes double sided so it looks nice on the inside and outside of your home?
Is a pessimist’s blood type B-negative?
Why is it that when we “skate on thin ice”, we can “get in hot water”?
If money doesn’t grow on trees then why do banks have branches?
Why are the little styrofoam pieces called peanuts?
If pro and con are opposites, wouldn’t the opposite of progress be congress?
Why does grape flavor smell the way it is when actual grapes don’t taste or smell anything like it.?
Why does the Easter bunny carry eggs? Rabbits don’t lay eggs.
Do Siamese twins pay for one ticket or two tickets when they go to movies and concerts?
Why are they called ‘Jolly Ranchers’? Who said that the ranchers were jolly?
Why does caregiver and caretaker mean the same thing?
Can a short person “talk down” to a taller person?
If a bald person works as a chef at a restaurant, do they have to wear a hairnet?
If milk goes bad if not refrigerated, why does it not go bad inside the cow?
What’s the difference between normal ketchup and fancy ketchup?



Hesh Goldstein
When I was a kid, if I were told that I'd be writing a book about diet and nutrition when I was older, let alone having been doing a health related radio show for over 36 years, I would've thought that whoever told me that was out of their mind. Living in Newark, New Jersey, my parents and I consumed anything and everything that had a face or a mother except for dead, rotting, pig bodies, although we did eat bacon (as if all the other decomposing flesh bodies were somehow miraculously clean). Going through high school and college it was no different. In fact, my dietary change did not come until I was in my 30's.

Just to put things in perspective, after I graduated from Weequahic High School and before going to Seton Hall University, I had a part-time job working for a butcher. I was the delivery guy and occasionally had to go to the slaughterhouse to pick up products for the store. Needless to say, I had no consciousness nor awareness, as change never came then despite the horrors I witnessed on an almost daily basis.

After graduating with a degree in accounting from Seton Hall, I eventually got married and moved to a town called Livingston. Livingston was basically a yuppie community where everyone was judged by the neighborhood they lived in and their income. To say it was a "plastic" community would be an understatement.

Livingston and the shallowness finally got to me. I told my wife I was fed up and wanted to move. She made it clear she had to be near her friends and New York City. I finally got my act together and split for Colorado.

I was living with a lady in Aspen at the end of 1974, when one day she said, " let's become vegetarians". I have no idea what possessed me to say it, but I said, "okay"! At that point I went to the freezer and took out about $100 worth of frozen, dead body parts and gave them to a welfare mother who lived behind us. Well, everything was great for about a week or so, and then the chick split with another guy.

So here I was, a vegetarian for a couple weeks, not really knowing what to do, how to cook, or basically how to prepare anything. For about a month, I was getting by on carrot sticks, celery sticks, and yogurt. Fortunately, when I went vegan in 1990, it was a simple and natural progression. Anyway, as I walked around Aspen town, I noticed a little vegetarian restaurant called, "The Little Kitchen".

Let me back up just a little bit. It was April of 1975, the snow was melting and the runoff of Ajax Mountain filled the streets full of knee-deep mud. Now, Aspen was great to ski in, but was a bummer to walk in when the snow was melting.

I was ready to call it quits and I needed a warmer place. I'll elaborate on that in a minute.

But right now, back to "The Little Kitchen". Knowing that I was going to leave Aspen and basically a new vegetarian, I needed help. So, I cruised into the restaurant and told them my plight and asked them if they would teach me how to cook. I told them in return I would wash dishes and empty their trash. They then asked me what I did for a living and I told them I was an accountant.

The owner said to me, "Let's make a deal. You do our tax return and we'll feed you as well". So for the next couple of weeks I was doing their tax return, washing their dishes, emptying the trash, and learning as much as I could.

But, like I said, the mud was getting to me. So I picked up a travel book written by a guy named Foder. The name of the book was, "Hawaii". Looking through the book I noticed that in Lahaina, on Maui, there was a little vegetarian restaurant called," Mr. Natural's". I decided right then and there that I would go to Lahaina and work at "Mr. Natural's." To make a long story short, that's exactly what happened.

So, I'm working at "Mr. Natural's" and learning everything I can about my new dietary lifestyle - it was great. Every afternoon we would close for lunch at about 1 PM and go to the Sheraton Hotel in Ka'anapali and play volleyball, while somebody stayed behind to prepare dinner.

Since I was the new guy, and didn't really know how to cook, I never thought that I would be asked to stay behind to cook dinner. Well, one afternoon, that's exactly what happened; it was my turn. That posed a problem for me because I was at the point where I finally knew how to boil water.

I was desperate, clueless and basically up the creek without a paddle. Fortunately, there was a friend of mine sitting in the gazebo at the restaurant and I asked him if he knew how to cook. He said the only thing he knew how to cook was enchiladas. He said that his enchiladas were bean-less and dairy-less. I told him that I had no idea what an enchilada was or what he was talking about, but I needed him to show me because it was my turn to do the evening meal.

Well, the guys came back from playing volleyball and I'm asked what was for dinner. I told them enchiladas; the owner wasn't thrilled. I told him that mine were bean-less and dairy-less. When he tried the enchilada he said it was incredible. Being the humble guy that I was, I smiled and said, "You expected anything less"? It apparently was so good that it was the only item on the menu that we served twice a week. In fact, after about a week, we were selling five dozen every night we had them on the menu and people would walk around Lahaina broadcasting, 'enchilada's at "Natural's" tonight'. I never had to cook anything else.

A year later the restaurant closed, and somehow I gravitated to a little health food store in Wailuku. I never told anyone I was an accountant and basically relegated myself to being the truck driver. The guys who were running the health food store had friends in similar businesses and farms on many of the islands. I told them that if they could organize and form one company they could probably lock in the State. That's when they found out I was an accountant and "Down to Earth" was born. "Down to Earth" became the largest natural food store chain in the islands, and I was their Chief Financial Officer and co-manager of their biggest store for 13 years.

In 1981, I started to do a weekly radio show to try and expose people to a vegetarian diet and get them away from killing innocent creatures. I still do that show today. I pay for my own airtime and have no sponsors to not compromise my honesty. One bit of a hassle was the fact that I was forced to get a Masters Degree in Nutrition to shut up all the MD's that would call in asking for my credentials.

My doing this radio show enabled me, through endless research, to see the corruption that existed within the big food industries, the big pharmaceutical companies, the biotech industries and the government agencies. This information, unconscionable as it is, enabled me to realize how broken our health system is. This will be covered more in depth in the Introduction and throughout the book and when you finish the book you will see this clearly and it will hopefully inspire you to make changes.

I left Down to Earth in 1989, got nationally certified as a sports injury massage therapist and started traveling the world with a bunch of guys that were making a martial arts movie. After doing that for about four years I finally made it back to Honolulu and got a job as a massage therapist at the Honolulu Club, one of Hawaii's premier fitness clubs. It was there I met the love of my life who I have been with since 1998. She made me an offer I couldn't refuse. She said," If you want to be with me you've got to stop working on naked women". So, I went back into accounting and was the Chief Financial Officer of a large construction company for many years.

Going back to my Newark days when I was an infant, I had no idea what a "chicken" or "egg" or "fish" or "pig" or "cow" was. My dietary blueprint was thrust upon me by my parents as theirs was thrust upon them by their parents. It was by the grace of God that I was able to put things in their proper perspective and improve my health and elevate my consciousness.

The road that I started walking down in 1975 has finally led me to the point of writing my book, “A Sane Diet For An Insane World”. Hopefully, the information contained herein will be enlightening, motivating, and inspiring to encourage you to make different choices. Doing what we do out of conditioning is not always the best course to follow. I am hoping that by the grace of the many friends and personalities I have encountered along my path, you will have a better perspective of what road is the best road for you to travel on, not only for your health but your consciousness as well.

Last but not least: after being vaccinated as a kid I developed asthma, which plagued me all of my life. In 2007 I got exposed to the organic sulfur crystals, which got rid of my asthma in 3 days and has not come back in over 10 years. That, being the tip of the iceberg, has helped people reverse stage 4 cancers, autism, joint pain, blood pressure problems, migraine headaches, erectile dysfunction, gingivitis, and more. Also, because of the detoxification effects by the release of oxygen that permeates and heals all the cells in the body, it removes parasites, radiation, fluoride, free radicals, and all the other crap that is thrust upon us in the environment by Big Business.

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